


I've given it all to you (I wish you would return the favor).

by lumoon33



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, M/M, Mentions of Malum, ashton is kind of a dick, but it ends up well, but not actually, he is just scared, i wrote it at 3 am, im sorry, luke is really sad, luke is sad, yeah - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-01
Updated: 2014-08-01
Packaged: 2018-02-11 06:58:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2058333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lumoon33/pseuds/lumoon33
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Luke needs Ashton close and if he has to break every single one of Ashton's rules about not to fall in love, well, he will do it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I've given it all to you (I wish you would return the favor).

**Author's Note:**

> I'm really sorry, I started writing it at 2 am and I finished at 4 am, I don't even know what it is. I needed to get this out of my mind.
> 
> English isn't my first language, sorry for the mistakes.  
> Hope you like it x

Luke doesn't want to prove that Ashton is wrong. He doesn't want to prove him that there's no way he could escape from love.

No.

He doesn't want to hurt him or break him or whatever.

It's not like that.

It's just that he was sat beside him in that interview and Ashton's hand was really close to his and then there was this feeling in Luke's stomach, going up his chest, flaming his thoat, this feeling that made the palm of his hand itch, this feeling that dared him to move his arm a little and grab Ashton's hand.

It was right there when he realized that he kind of needed Ashton close to him.

And if he had to break every single one of Ashton's rules about not to fall in love, well, he would do it.

 

\----

 

He breaks the first rule a saturday night.

The four of them go out to celebrate, he doesn't even remember what they were celebrating, he just remembers that there was too much alcohol in his blood and Ashton's eyes had been studying his body all night.

It's like 3 am when Michael and Calum are nowhere to be seen and Ashton is pressed against some random girl in the middle of the pub. Luke's eyes dance between Ashton and the bottom of the glass he's holding, his heart is moving fast at the sound of the music, skipping a few beats everytime he looks at Ashton to find that he's looking right back at him.

He's too drunk and his head is clouded when he stands up, almost falling on the floor when he starts to walk his way to Ashton. He takes the random girl's hand and pushes her easily against his own body, he slips a hand around her waist, keeping her close, and he takes a sip from his glass. 

He looks at Ashton over the glass, he looks confused and a little angry, and Luke sends him half a smile when he pulls the glass away from his lips. 

Ashton grabs Luke's forearm and he starts walking, pulling Luke with him.

Luke lets go of the random girl and the glass slips from his hand when he stumbles behind Ashton. He hears how the glass breaks when it hits the floor, throwing little shiny pieces around the dance floor, and he hears how someone is yelling at him, but he's too drunk to pay attention and there's a strange feeling in his stomach that distracts him, he doesn't know if it is the alcohol or something that Ashton's hand on his forearm wakes up on him.

Luke doesn't know how they get to Ashton's hotel room, his mind is kinda messed up, but he knows how he ends up lying in Ashton's bed, Ashton pushes him rough and hard against it and his hands undress him and touch him, desperately and demanding. 

Ashton's hands are all over his body.

Ashton's lips are all over his body but over his lips.

He looks into Ashton's eyes, everything he can find is lust, desire and the febrile shine of alcohol.

He loves every bit of that night. It's the first night Luke feels Ashton as close as he needs him. 

But he hates every bit of the following morning. 

He hates where he wakes up, in Ashton's bed but far away from Ashton. 

He hates the way Ashton covers himself with the blankets when he wakes up, as if he feels the need to protect his body of Luke's gaze. As if Luke hadn't touched that body in all the possible places the night before.

He hates how Ashton looks at him, absently and with something that looks like regret, playing there in his hazel eyes.

He hates how Ashton dresses up quickly and gets out of the room mumbling a quiet 'good morning', more for himself than for Luke.

He hates how Ashton acts like nothing had happened.

Because Ashton doesn't fuck his friends and he doesn't want to recognise that Luke has broken his first rule.

 

\----

 

Luke breaks the second rule two weeks after and they're not drunk.

They're living in an appartment in London trying to write new songs and nothing has changed between the two of them. Everything's pretty much the same. The only thing that has changed is that now Ashton stares at Luke even more. And he brings a different random girl to fuck her loudly almost every night.

Luke feels jealousy hitting him hard in the stomach every morning, when he is sat on the couch eating breakfast and Ashton comes downstairs to say goodbye to his hook up in the door. The hook up always leans in and tries to kiss Ashton on the lips, but he turns his head and mumbles "did you forget what I said last night?" and closes the door. 

Then Ashton goes to the kitchen to prepare his breakfast. He always smiles at Luke when he walks by the couch. It makes Luke want to puke.

But one morning Ashton comes downstairs alone, and Luke can't bite his tongue.

"What? Didn't you get some last night?"

Ashton freezes in his way to the kitchen and looks at Luke frowning.

"Why do you care so much?"

"I don't really care, I'm just surprised, you know" Luke says, as if this conversation isn't making him nervous, as if the palms of his hands hadn't strated sweating "I wonder how you manage to remember all their names" he keeps going, he can't help it.

He knows he doesn't have the right to be like this, because it's not like what happened between them was something important, he himself didn't even bother to talk about it with Ashton. He acted like it didn't matter, so now he should keep his resentment and jealousy to himself. 

But Ashton tenses up with every word that leaves Luke's lips, it makes something warm and powerful run through Luke's body, it makes him feel as if he has some power over Ashton.

So Luke rests his mug on the coffee table and leans over the backrest of the couch, looking at Ashton between his half closed eyelids.

"Or don't you care? I mean, do you forget their names?" Ashton takes a step closer to Luke and his hands curl into fists when Luke says his last question "Will you forget mine too?"

And that's what sends Ashton over the edge. 

He moves fast, he walks toward the couch and Luke thinks that he's going to punch him, because he has crossed the line, he knows it. But Ashton doesn't hit him, Ashton sits on Luke's lap and tears Luke's t-shirt and attaches his lips to Luke's neck and sinks his nails into Luke's back and Luke isn't able to breath anymore.

Ashton fucks Luke right on the couch. And it's rough and hard and desperately and demanding again. 

Luke enjoys every bit of it, even though there's an alarm in the back of his mind telling him that Michael and Calum are upstairs, they can find them in any moment. But he just shuts the alarm up and brings Ashton closer. 

He brings Ashton closer and thinks that yeah, he is breaking his second rule, because Ashton never fucks the same person more than once.

 

\----

 

It kind of becomes a thing after that day.

They start another tour and they still don't talk about it and they stare at each other even more and Ashton keeps fucking random girls and Luke is still jealous, but not as jealous as before, because every week there's a night when Ashton will climb into Luke's bed and Luke knows that he's the only person who Ashton will ever fuck more than once.

It becomes a thing and it should be enough but Ashton is still not as close as Luke needs him.

Luke's a little sad. This is bringing him down and he knows that Michael and Calum notice it.

(He knows that Ashton does too, but he doesn't seem to care).

This is bringing him down because when Ashton is not in his bunk with him, fucking him hard and emotionless and not kissing him, Ashton is in his own bunk fucking some random girl, making her scream and making Luke hold back tears.

And Luke knows that Ashton doesn't mean to hurt him, he knows that Ashton is just trying to protect himself of that concept called love that seems to break everyone, but in the process he is breaking Luke, a little bit more every day.

Calum and Michael notice it. They know what's going on, they live with them after all, and one night Luke is sat in the back of the tour bus, just waiting for Ashton to come back from his night out and find out if he brings one random girl with him or if it's Luke's lucky night. 

He's sat on the couch with the television on, but he's not really paying attention. The door opens and Calum and Michael come in. Calum sits beside Luke and Michael stands with his back leaning on the door.

Calum pulls a blanket over Luke and Luke leans his head over his shoulder, feeling how the tears start to accumulate behind his eyes. Calum wraps an arm around his shoulders and his hand strokes Luke's hair slowly, just the way he knows Luke likes, he looks over his shoulder at Michael and Michael sighs and walks closer.

Luke sees from the corner of his eyes how Michael sits beside Calum and takes Calum's hand in his, stroking little circles over his skin. 

Luke wishes he could have something like that with Ashton.

They stay like that in silence, just pretending they're watching tv, but then there're noises coming from the bunk area, groans, moans and whimpers, Ashton's voice and a random girl's voice.

Calum's arm tightens around Luke's shoulders. Michael grabs Calum's hand harder. Luke cries for the first time in years.

 

\----

 

Luke breaks the third rule in his 18 birthday.

They're back in London and they're going out to celebrate. 

Luke's supposed to be excited, it's his 18 birthday what they are celebrating, but he just want to get into his bed and sleep three days in a row.

But there he is, in his room in front of the mirror, and he's not sure why he is looking at himself in the mirror, he supposes he wanted to look his best, tonight's his night, after all, but he looks just the same as in a normal day (Green Day t-shirt and black ripped skinny jeans) and he feels just as shattered as in a normal day.

Then Ashton walks in.

Luke looks at him through the mirror, he sees how he closes the door and leans against it during a few seconds, just checking Luke out. Then he takes a breath and walks toward Luke and the palms of Luke's hands are itching and his knees go weak and suddenly he feels like he's looking horrible.

"You look kinda hot" Ashton says, almost whispering.

He keeps approaching Luke until he rests his hands in Luke's waist and his chin in Luke's shoulder.

It's cute, the way Ashton needs to stand on his tip toes to be able to rest his chin in Luke's shoulder. Yeah, it's cute. But his chest is pressed up against Luke's back, his breathing is hitting Luke's neck and it's more hot than cute and Luke's own breath hitches in his throat.

"I look the same as everyday" Luke replies and his voice sounds too loud in his own ears, it makes him close his eyes and wrinkle his nose, and a laugh escapes Ashton's lips.

Ashton moves then. He moves away from Luke and walks around him until he's between Luke and the mirror, facing Luke. His eyes are open wide and the hazel is shinning. Luke swallows hard and he tries to breath properly again, but his lungs don't listen to him and his breathing comes out in a erratic way.

"I've been thinking about what I could give you for your 18 birthday since your 16 birthday and here we are, in your 18 birthday, and if you want me to be honest, in these two years I couldn't think of anything" Ashton starts talking in whispers "So I think I'm just gonna ask you, directly" he takes a step closer to Luke, their chest are pressed together now, and Luke sighs in relief when he notices that his chest isn't the only one that's moving out of control "What do you want for your birthday, Luke?"

Luke knows what he wants for his 18 birthday. And he knows that Ashton knows too. And he knows that Ashton wants it too. So he doesn't know why he feels so nervous when he whispers his answer.

"I want you to kiss me"

The corners of Ashton's mouth curl up in a little smile, something in his eyes flash and his tongue comes out his mouth to lick his lips. Luke watches the movement, hypnotized. 

He feels his heart pounding in his throat when Ashton's hands cup his cheeks. He feels it beating in the back of his eyes when Ashton leans closer and his breath hits his mouth. He feels it in his fingertips when he wraps his arms around Ashton's waist.

And he stops feeling it when Ashton's lips touch his own. His heart literally stops in that second and it terrifies him.

But then Ashton's lips move and Luke's heart moves too, louder than ever, stronger than ever, skipping beat messily.

The kiss starts slow and a bit clusmily, because of Ashton's lack of practice. It's lazy and almost chaste. Just Ashton rubbing Luke's lips with his own. 

But Luke gets tired. He gets tired because he's been dreaming with this exact moment for far too long. So he pushes Ashton's lips open with his tongue and kisses him fiercely, exploring every corner of his mouth, tasting him and trying to imprint his taste in his memory, because he knows that this is not going to happen again.

This moment is even more intimate that all those times that Ashton has fucked him, because right now Luke is breaking the third rule. 

Ashton doesn't kiss.

No one.

Never.

 

\----

 

Luke was wrong.

It happens again.

It happens once a week, actually.

Everytime Ashton fucks him it's still rough and hard and desperately, but kisses him. He kisses him and Luke thinks that this is more than what he could ever expect.

Luke feels better everyday.

Ashton keeps fucking random girls and he keeps fucking Luke once a week and they don't talk about it. And it still hurts, but not as much, because everytime that Ashton says goodbye to his new hook up, the hook up will lean in and try to kiss him, but he will turn his face and Luke feels happy, he actually feels happy, because he is the only one who will ever know what Ashton's lips taste like.

 

\----

 

It's another saturday night and it's really familiar.

It's a saturday night and it reminds Luke the day when everything started.

It's a saturday night but this time Luke will not break another rule and Ashton will break Luke completely.

Luke's sat in a table with a bottle of beer in a hand. Calum and Michael are sat in the same table as him, but Calum has his head resting in Michael's shoulder and Michael is whispering something in his ear and they're both giggling, so Luke is practically alone.

He's looking at his beer and from his beer to Ashton and from Ashton to his beer and his head is spinning a little.

He's not drunk, maybe that's the only thing that's different from that night (apart from Michael and Calum sat beside him). He's not drunk but Ashton is in the middle of the pub with a random girl pressed against him and it makes Luke's head spin.

Ashton is dancing, well, not actually dancing, he's just moving against that girl, he doesn't move at the rythm of the music, he just moves against her and look at Luke over her shoulder.

Luke knows that he should be used to it. He should be used to Ashton messing around with random girls, but it still shatters him everytime he has to see it.

He doesn't actually has to see it, he could get up and get out of that place. Or he could simply stop dancing his eyes between Ashton and his beer. But there's something that drags his gaze to Ashton, there's something that makes him lock his eyes with Ashton's every three seconds.

Luke doesn't know what is that something, but he hates it with every piece of his heart, because this time, when he looks up from his beer to look at Ashton for the millionth time in the night, Ashton isn't looking back at him.

Ashton is kissing her.

Ashton is kissing that random girl.

And Ashton never kisses.

Never.

No one.

But Luke.

It shatters Luke completely.

He's been holding himself together for the past months, trying to not let another piece fall down, and now, with just one action, Ashton messes it all. He takes every piece of Luke and replace it, he places them wrong and Luke fully breaks down.

Ashton opens his eyes right when Luke is falling apart. He opens his eyes and locks them with Luke's, and it seems like something lights up in his head, he pushes the girl away from him and tenses up. He stands there, he doesn't move, he doesn't take his eyes off of Luke.

It was the only thing that was holding Luke together, thinking that, at least, he was the only one that knew what Ashton's lips tasted like. But he isn't anymore. He isn't nothing special for Ashton.

He wishes he was special.

Luke blinks and something wet runs down his cheeks. It wakes him up, it makes him move. 

He gets up and the beer slips from his hand, like that glass the night that it all started. He hears how the beer hits the floor, he looks down and sees all the shiny little pieces, and he leaves the pub running, but Ashton isn't tugging his arm this time.

He knows that Michael and Calum scream after him, he doesn't hear them because his own blood running too fast sounds too loud in his own ears, but he knows that they are screaming after him. 

He doesn't stop, though. He gets out of the pub and runs. He runs and the only thing that he can hear over his own blood running is Ashton's footsteps. 

He can hear Ashton running after him, but he doesn't stop. He's scared, he thinks that if he stops he might actually break into a million little shiny pieces, just like it happened to his beer.

He doesn't stop, but Ashton stops him.

Luke's tired. He doesn't know for how long he's been running, but his legs hurt and he can't breath properly, his own tears don't let him, so he doesn't stop, but he slows down, and Ashton reaches him.

Ashton grabs his arm and stops him. He tugs at it and Luke turns around.

Ashton doesn't even look at him, he directly wraps his arms around Luke and holds him close and Luke knows that he should push him away, but he can't because he can't stop crying. He buries his face in Ashton's neck and cries. He cries and he doesn't know for how long. He cries and hits Ashton's chest with his fists and cries even more.

He stops when there are not more tears to drop. He just stops when he feels totally empty.

He pushes Ashton away then, he puts his hands in Ashton's shoulders and pushes him slowly. Then he opens his eyes and looks at Ashton for the first time since he left the pub running.

And new tears accumulate behind his eyes, because Ashton's eyes are red and crystalline and swollen and Luke has never seen him cry before.

"Why are you crying?" he asks, and it comes out as a husky whisper because he can't speak loudly, his throat hurts too much "You don't have the right to cry"

Ashton doesn't reply for a few seconds, he rubs his eyes with his hands and takes a deep breath. He looks at the sky and then right back at Luke and Luke can see in his eyes how he's almost as broken as him and he can't understand why.

 

"I know. I know I shouldn't be crying, it's not fair for you, but I can't help it" Ashton's voice is louder than Luke's, but it's rough, it sounds like a lot of little pieces of something shattered "I was trying to prove something there, you know. I was trying to prove that you're not important to me. I was trying to prove that I don't need you. I was trying to prove that you can't break me as easily as you break my rules. I was trying to prove that I don't love you"

Every one of his words hit Luke hard. Every word make his breath hitch in his throat to the point where he truly believes that he maybe won't be able to breath with normality again.

"But I wasn't trying to prove any of this to you. I needed to prove it to myself. I needed to believe that you didn't break the last rule" Ashton takes a step closer to Luke and Luke is going to take a step back, but Ashton grabs his arm and doesn't let him "I kissed her to prove something to myself but it just felt wrong. No, it felt fucking awful. Everything feels awful if I'm not doing it with you and it scares the shit out of me"

Luke's hands have started shaking now. His chest is against Ashton's and they both are breathing heavily and if Luke had more tears inside him he would be crying. 

"I was trying to prove to myself that I didn't fall in love with you. But I did, I've been in love with you for a while now and it hurts and you're the only one that can make it hurt a little less but didn't want to believe it because I'm a fucking coward and I'm-"

Luke doesn't let him finish. 

He can't stand it anymore. He grabs Ashton's t-shirt with his shaky hands and pulls him against himself, pressing their lips together, breathing him in.

It's a saturday night and Ashton broke Luke completely.

It's a saturday night and, at the end, Luke broke the most important rule and Ashton doesn't care anymore.

It's a saturday night and Ashton fixed every broken piece of Luke.

**Author's Note:**

> Pretty please, tell me what you think about it, please. Thank you for reading <3


End file.
